Why The Green Lantern sucked

So, I have had a bit a time recently to watch some films that I should seen, but somehow missed. One of the films on that list was The Green Lantern. I know, I know, I had heard that it wasn’t very good, but I had to find out for myself why. I thought the first half hour of the film was actually pretty good. I thought that they handled his origin pretty well, then the movie took a turn for the terrible, they attempted to introduce the villain. Technically, the movie had two villains, one who was in the majority of the film, the other who is supposed to be far scarier and much more of a threat, so he’s in the movie for about 8 minutes. Now, what struck me as odd about that was the fact that Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer tried to employ the same tactic using the Silver Surfer and Galactus, and we all know what a waste of time that film was, but I digress. So the film gives us one villain, who I will call “bighead” because I forgot his name, and that was pretty much his identifying characteristic.  Bighead runs around the entire movie being butthurt that Daddy doesn’t love him, and he didn’t get the girl. Then he gains superpowers which involve him using telepathy to move things around (I know, original, right?) So he fights the Green Lantern, messes up and is immediately eaten by the more powerful second villain, leaving the audience and myself with the question “What the hell was his purpose in the movie?” He didn’t really do anything besides kill his own father, and attempt to slightly harm the Green Lantern. So was he there to slightly annoy Ryan Reynolds or what? After Bighead’s “unfortunate” death, the Green Lantern proceeds to fight, and then trick this ultimate villain (Parallax) into flying into the sun. Even though four or five other Green Lanterns who had probably been training all of their lives posed no threat to him whatsoever. Directors should know by this point that if you have a superhero, you need to have a villain that actually poses a threat to the hero. Its why the Joker and Bane are effective; because what they do actually matters, they pose a threat to Batman and Gotham’s way of life.

So there you have it. Green Lantern actually could have been a decent film, but those charged with making forgot a very simple rule of superhero films: the villain has to be as compelling or more compelling than the hero; Bighead and Parallax epically failed in this.

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The ten greatest movie changing movies

Every once in awhile, we go to the movies and see something so different, or so awe-inspiring that it changes our views on what a movie going experience can be.  These films take what we think is possible in film and do the “impossible”.   So I have decided to rank the top 10 “game-changer” movies.  As with all my lists, this is more opinion than fact, but I am definitely open to alternative opinions, so feel free to comment.

10  Memento

Sometimes I wonder what went through Christopher Nolan’s head when he wrote Momento.  “Hmmm…” I think that I’ll write a screenplay that goes forwards and backwards simeltaneously.”  That’s just what he did.  Momento  is a brilliantly concieved movie because Nolan puts you into the mindset of the protagonist by having the audience remain just as confused as the protagonist for much of the movie.  Leonard Shelby becomes for us the defintion of an “unreliable narrator”, as he himself is a prisoner of his own mind.

9 The Blair Witch Project

Now, I have an interesting story about the Blair Witch project.  Many years ago, a friend called me, from his place which was right down the street from mine and told me about this movie.  Apparently, it was footage found from a camera that was dug up, and the police could not make any sense of it, so they took it to some film editors to splice it together.  The movie that we were about to watch was the result.  As we watched the film that night, a sense of unease came over the entire room.  When it came to the end of the movie, nobody spoke for at least two minutes before someone uttered “Wait, so that was real?”  Immediate we took to the internet, now unbeknownst to us the makers of the film had set up fake websites are over the place, making their story look even more realistic.

Although it was not the first film to utlilize the “true story” angle (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, War of the Worlds), it was the first to give the actors a camera, send them into the forest, and have them ad lib the entire story, giving the movie a far more realistic feel.  It was also the first film to truly utilize the internet in trying to convince the audience of the “realism” of the film, and for that I salute it.

8  Avatar

James Cameron is no stranger to “changing the game” when it comes to making science-fiction films.  But what he did with Avatar takes that to a whole new level.  It’s not that the story for Avatar is truly original (Dances With Wolves, Ferngully, Pocahontas) , it was that he created a world in which the audience was fully immersed.  By filming in 3-D, he brought the viewer deeper into his world.  Here 3-D was used as an immersion technique, and not simply just a gimmick.   Much like Titanic and Terminator 2, he sets the bar much higher for everybody else.

7 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

How could I possibly leave out the first full length animated feature film? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs  took cartoons which were genrerally thought of as folly, and only for children, and legitimitized them for all audiences.  It was a movie with a good heart (ignoring the obvious sexism), but it was also legitimately scary in parts, i.e. the dark forest scene (still gives me goosebumps).  I would be remiss not to add this game changer to the list.

6 Toy Story

Speaking of animated films changing the game, how can one not mention the first CGI film for mass release?  Toy Story not only presented incredible graphics that most audiences had not seen, but also included an incredible story which everybody can identify with.  Come on admit it: we all wondered if our toys came alive when we were away. Toy Story balances one story we can all identify with, and a story in which one has to come to grips with their identity and at the same time form a lifelong friendship. The amazing thing is that the writers managed to do it under two hours.

Note: I realize that Toy Story 3 is the best of the three, and one of the best films of all time, but this entry is about game changing movies.

5  The Matrix

Its hard to pinpoint exactly what makes The Matrix such a revolutionary film.  It ushered in so many different trends in American film making: bullet time, wire stunts, the 360 camera shot just to name a few.  It was the first time in American film history that a director (or directors in this case) had succesfully made a live action film look like anime.  And as an added bonus, they got Keanu Reeves to pass as a decent actor (even though Will Smith had already turned down the part to do Wild Wild West).  The Matrix has often been imitated, but no film has ever been able to duplicate its engenuity, sadly not even its sequels.

4 The Jazz Singer

It is a common misconception that The Jazz Singer was the first “talkie” , it was not.  What it is, is the first full length feature film to use spoken dialogue as part of the action, and for this it was commercially successful.  Now keep in mind it is not a great movie, but it is historically important, and that’s why it changed the game.

3 Citizen Kane

Of course Citizen Kane would have to be on this list as well, after all AFI did name it the greatest film of all time.  Not only is it a great movie, but it also created some of the greatest film techniques and camera angles that we continue to use today.  The story of one man’s rise to power and his ultimately lonely death still inspires filmmakers in this day and age. 

2  Jurassic Park

I will be the first to admit that part of the reason that this film appears on this list is because it is a sentimental favorite of mine. It happens also to be one of the more amazing technical marvels of the modern movie era.  For me, the first time that I saw it was the first time that I thought the movies could actually compete with my imagination.

1 The Original Star Wars Trilogy

How could I possibly even conceive of a list of game changing movies without mentioning the greatest of them,  The Star Wars Trilogy (it should go without saying, but I am talking about Episodes IV, V, & VI).  George Lucas (before he kind of went off the deep end) was responsible for creating one of the most visually impressive and comprehensive universes of its time.   Now, I am not going to say that everything he did was original; obivously he stood on the shoulders of Giants like Kurosawa.  It was his ability to weave all of his influences in, and still create a Western melodrama in space with the simplest of themes: good versus evil.  This is why these films surpassed all of their predacessors, and why films today still try to emulate them.

Honorable Mentions:  The Usual Suspects, The Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, Terminator 2, Scream.

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The movies with the most obvious product placement ever.

Mac and Me

Most of you won’t remember this poor man’s E.T. rip off, but it is a terrible, terrible film, an abomination filled with the most obvious product placement in movie history.  Now, for those of you who have not seen this work of art, it involves a young boy in a wheelchair who comes across an Alien who has lost his parents.  This is where the product placement starts; the alien can only eat Skittles and drink Coke.  Seriously? But the most egregious product placement comes when there is an inexplicable five minute dance scene at McDonald’s for no apparent reason.  Watch for yourself below:

The Wizard

Now, I mentioned this film before because it is pretty bad.  But I did not go into detail about the shocking amount of product placement.  For those of you who don’t know, the film is about an autistic boy who is a savant at video games, and his brother, and their journey to the video game championships in which he has to play Super Mario Brothers 3.  Along the way, they come across a bully with the power glove and a cute redhead, who I had a crush on when I was younger.  Now it seems that Nintendo attempted to throw in every product that they had into this movie.  Watch for clips of Double Dragon, Ninja Gaiden, and of course Super Mario Brothers 3.  Not only that, but for some reason the kids have a ten minute chase scene through Universal Studios.


The Last Dragon

Now this was the first and only movie made by Motown, and although it was supposed to be a martial arts film.  It played more like a platform for Motown artists to be displayed, including parts of the video for “Rhythm of the Night” by none other than the legendary El Debarge.  Meanwhile, simply because it was necessary they decided to throw in a plot as well.  So in comes Bruce Leroy (played by the immortal Taimak) and his journey to find “the one master”, and love, in the form of Vanity (everyone remember her?).  But before he can, he has to defeat his arch enemy Shonuf (the shogun of Harlem).  At the end of the day he finds that he is the master, he gets the girl, defeats Shonuf and catches a bullet with his teeth (yes, a bullet with his teeth).  Meanwhile during most scenes, you have Motown songs being played, and yes Vanity was a Motown artist.  Simply shameless.

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Follow The Dark Side on twitter!!

I’m on twitter now! @Thedarkside48 feel free to follow as you please! https://twitter.com/#!/Thedarkside48

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Movies that should be remade

I realize that Hollywood wants to make as much money as possible, but why do they have to do it remaking movies that were already good to begin with?  Shouldn’t Hollywood take a movie that had a good concept, but was executed poorly, and remake that? In other words, stop taking movies like Psycho or The Thing and trying to update them, they are already as good as they are going to get. Instead get those movies that should have been good and remake them.  For your reading pleasure, I have compiled a small list of movies that they should remake.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

It seems that many times when Hollywood tries to adapt a graphic novel, they fail miserably (excluding Watchmen and Kick-Ass). Here you had a wonderful graphic novel taking many of the great heroes of literature :Captain Nemo, Alan Quartermain, Mina Harker, the Invisible Man, Dr. Jekyll (and in the movie Tom Sawyer and Dorian Gray) , and placing them together to defeat arguably the greatest villain in literature, Professor Moriarty. It sounds like a recipe for a great film, unfortunately, both the director and the studio got in the way. The studio spent all their money on Sean Connery, leaving no real money to get any other recognizable actors. Then they added Tom Sawyer to appeal to American audiences, by the time they finished, the movie was simply a mess. How about we go back, not worry about appealing to the mass audience, much like Kick-ass and Watchmen did, and make an amazing movie?

The Last Airbender

The less I say about this attempted adaptation of the Anime series, the better. Let’s ignore the fact the M. Night Shamalyan’s films have progressively gotten worse; how does someone take such rich source material and screw it up to the point where it becomes basically unrecognizable? I don’t know why Hollywood continues to take either video games or television shows with great story lines, and then decide those story lines aren’t good enough, and then create their own subpar story lines, thus making a terrible movie. In the case of The Last Airbender , it would have been nice if the story writers were actually familiar with the show to begin with. If someone could go back, and actually adapt the story lines from the show, we might have a good movie on our hands.

Masters of the Universe

Now, I am ashamed to admit that I loved this movie growing up, even with all its flaws. Some of you may remember that I mentioned this film in a previous list (List of terrible childhood films). The problem here is that the original He-man series really wasn’t that good. I mean seriously, He-man ran around in his underwear for the majority of the show. But they could have made a decent film based in that world. It’s the story of a prince who fights to free his land from the evil tyranny of Skeletor, an evil sorcerer. Meanwhile, Prince Adam is aided by the Sorceress who gave him his special sword and the power of the Castle Greyskull, which allows him to become He-man. I say make it rated R, have him use his sword to tear through people, and we might have a hit on our hands.

Eragon


This was a book that caught on like wildfire, for a while it was the talk of the fantasy fiction world. Now we know one thing about fantasy fiction, it is incredibly hard to translate to the screen (I know, I know, unless you’re Peter Jackson) remember Dungeons and Dragons or In the Name of the King? So, the odds were already stacked against this movie. But the filmmakers proceeded to destroy this movie in every way possible; from the no name cast, to the barely passable special effects. Let’s hope that one day someone will look back and make this book into a film that is worthy of the source material.

Spawn


Spawn was one of the great comic book series to come out of the nineties. Not only that, it had a great animated series on HBO. So, when it was announced that there was going to be movie, one might have thought “How can it go wrong?” Apparently it can when you come up with a halfway decent plot, then in the film’s climatic battle, you make the special effects so bad that no one can figure out what is going on.

If the powers that be had simply followed the comic or the HBO series and made a gritty story with the antihero Spawn at the center of it, we could have had one of the better superhero films of the era. Hopefully, one day someone will.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy


I probably am a bit biased when it comes to this movie simply because this is one of my favorite novels of all time. The American production did a decent job of making into a film, but lost much of the subtle humor of the novel. Yet it is possible to capture this humor, the British series did it perfectly. I hesitate to say this, but in order to make this a decent film, it has to be made by the British. They seem to be the only group who can capture that subtle and random humor that the novel is chock full of. The other problem with this film was the love story between Arthur and Trillian that they tried to force. Arthur shouldn’t get the girl at the end, he is destined to have things go wrong. He is the eternal loser.

Waterworld


This is one of the most famous flops in movie history, but it’s actually not that bad; it wasn’t anywhere near as good as it could have been. It went greatly over budget simply because they were building giant floating cities. But the plot was still interesting. I think that the idea of a world in which there is not dry land is far more topical today, with all of our fears of global warming. This still could be a great film, but it will definitely take the right director and right casting this time.

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