Summer time at last. As most experienced movie goers know, this is a time where some of the highest grossing films of the year are released. Just to name a few: The Avengers, Anchorman and even Speed. But, that is not what were focused on today. Today we will go back in time and see some of the biggest pieces of junk to hit the big screen from the month(s) of May-August. Ladies and gentleman, the top five biggest summer movie flops:
5 Gigli (2003)
Starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez – Total loss 77 Million.
We all remember the days of Hollywood’s power couple “Beniffer” They were two young, successful actors that were engaged and were about to star in a romance film together(a recipe for disaster), what’s the worst that could happen? Everything. The film was and still to this day considered one of the worst movies ever made, Ben faded away from the main stream acting scene for a while, and Ben and Jennifer broke up.
When the plot of your film focuses on a wannabe hit man, a mentally handicapped brother, and a lesbian, the only possible outcome is disaster.
4 Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
Starring Alex Baldwin, Steve Buscemi, and Ming – Na Wen – Total loss 99 Million.
Right off the bat, you had to love the idea of this prolific video game being created into a feature length film. So many things looked like they were going to work out in the film’s favor; the creator of the game was directing the movie, the movie was going to use CGI with all of its characters (including humans), it had some big name actors, and the movie looked to have a ton of action. Unfortunately the film did not succeed on any of these levels. The director did not do a good job of transmitting the script to the screen. The CGI humans just did not look right; don’t get me wrong, the CGI used in this film was ok for its time, but the dialogue just did not match the characters. Most importantly of all, the movie did not have a lot of action; it focused more on the spirituality of earth and other crap like that. Yet again another video game made into a feature film fails.
3 Speed Racer (2008)
Starring: Emile Hirsch, Matthew Fox, and Christina Ricci – Total loss 106 Million.
Speed Racer the cartoon show was very mediocre at best when it came out in the late 60’s. The show only lasted a year, and it was followed by a few crappy remakes. This evidence alone should have been enough for someone to realize that there will NEVER be a successful film adaptation. Unfortunately this sorry excuse for a cartoon was made into a film, and it wasn’t pretty. A huge reason this movie could not transition into a successful was due to its terrible marketing scheme. The trailer made the film more geared towards adults, when the studio should have marketed the film to pre – teens. Most adults who even remember the cartoon series didn’t like it anyway, so why should the film have been any different? Despite its decent effects, the Wachowski brothers (now brother and sister) directing, and an all-star cast, this movie was doomed from the beginning.
13th Warrior (1999)
Starring: Antonio Banderas, Diane Venora, and Vladimir Kulich – Total loss 125 Million.
Maybe it was the terrible trailer that sounded like it had adult film music playing in the beginning, maybe it was Antonio’s terrible accent/acting throughout the film, or perhaps, it the fact that it was mediocre adaptation of Michael Crichton’s Eaters of the Dead. Either way this ended up as one of the biggest flops, not just of the summer, but of all time. Banderas came into the film hot off of his most recent hit The Mask of Zorro, but the results would not be the same for him this time. A well over the top budget, due to reshoots of most of the critical scenes, crappy CGI, and no movie premier lead to an absolute disaster. Los siento Antonio… lo siento.
1 The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Jay Mohr, and Randy Quaid – Total loss 134 Million.
Wow, where does one begin with Pluto Nash? First of all this film is not funny what so ever. Jokes dealing with Microsoft as a street name and Hilary Clinton on a 10,000 dollar bill come off as super dry. In movie theaters, the punch lines were usually followed by the sound of crickets. The movie did not do a good job at marketing, as there were no premieres or pre-screenings(which should have been a dead giveaway as to how bad it was going to be). Last but certainly not least, the acting was atrocious. The actors seemed bored throughout the film. I wish I could have been in the studio where director Ron Underwood pitched the idea for this film. The film made 2.1 million opening weekend, 4.4 million after seven weeks, and a grand total 7.7 million once the fat lady finally sang. Another in a long line of poor movie choices for Eddie Murphy and Co.